Dec 2006

Για πάντα ; / Forever ? / Por siempre ?

forever by cela me va bien

Photo : cela_me_va_bien

On days like this i remain silent and empty I'm keep searching for you to tell you to open my door and reveal every secret of my body. Breathless I surrender, I'm leaving myself up to you. Remember that I've told you that my life belongs to you unconditionally. Breathless I surrender when you're telling me to be your slave and here I am once again I'm telling you once and for all that all I want is to feel myself dying breathless in your kiss.

Tonight on the verge of this family crisis I do not want you to leave me in a accelerating rhythm as all my senses are ready to tune up in a crazy wavelength. So .. please do tell me what you want me to bring you. Ask me something distant, as for you I can accomplish everything. For you I can do anything. As when I have you by my side I have nothing to fear and the biggest thing looks small. If you want I can find the end, even in the endless sky and every word that you are going to say it doesn't matter. It matters only to be at my side. Please stay next to me, you are the light that guides me. You are my eternal beloved that I love you every night. Stay next to me although I am making mistakes or people disagree with our relationship. Put a fire on me. Stay next to me my love. My truth no-one wants it. You know it well. Stay next to me to continue making crazy dreams..

To your body and to your soul, i will surrender and i will wrap me up to your kiss, just stay here with me. You, life and death, me mortal and immortal. Feel me deep in my heart, there where I fear everything and i am keep waiting for you to come and save me.

None like you in my eyes, you keep the light into my paths. Please don't get away as you cannot compare with another one. Stay here with me forever, give me something to live, stay and hold me as i only ask you just to love me.

For the already pasted Christmas i was thinking what gift should I sent you for the season and for all years we drank together our wealthy youth as poison. I still remember that i just said a prayer, a plea to forgive all my human weaknesses and to love me. There is no stop in my present as the streets are still taking me and dragging me like a blind bird that flutters into the abyss and only the hours of love are left for me to find two meters of sun and paradise in your distant eyes. I still raise my look outside my window at night, counting all the dead stars as we are in the world alone with an empty sky around us. I found each night that life brought us naked and takes us with empty hands when only love remains as all the rest is smoke.

For sure since I can laugh with the things I see and since I can tolerate my madness, since I turn page to all the things that hurt me, I ask no share, I don't squash in the queue for two clear worlds of you. Since we are doing well with the apologies we give to others and I lay my weapons on your simply laughter or since we keep trying speak the same language, I don't ask for more for that those that the heart can to love and forgive. It means that our steering wheel and breaks are strong, it means that I am loved by Gods, it means the mess is worthwhile and say it once more and may I be well, may you will be as well too for me to continue loving you.

After going to sleep ... i dreamed of a peculiar situation of myself. Somewhere in future... standing somewhere trying to confess you big part of my life saying something like this ... :

This day that I chose to stand here, in front of you to write you about songs and half words trying only to speak in the light. How I took such a decision when I don't know if I can stand it as this day reminds of a bloodshed. March was the year and here there were big troubles I was twenty four and she was only twenty. And I fell in love with a year and this love remains inside me for a long time. But time has its turns, she grew up and so did I, my friends grew up as well, somewhere around thirty (years old). Many where hooked on to political parties and I don't know what to say and others are at their home, for ever. Sometimes i think that the distance has saved us but memories hurt and we say whenever we meet the same things again. But I feel like a little kid that was again berated and I leave alone for a desolate county. I look back again, I also made with you two sons seventeen Marches weighed already my back. Flags and carnations, trade and fake, and speeches of officials like a chatter. I kept for too much my mouth shut and my lips are now bleeding and for those who let us down just let them remain unloved...

ASSHOLES, we didn't finish, that is the only thing I will tell them if i am going to be asked... that the dreams of lovers NEVER blank out.

Remember ... Forever together ... because i still hope and believe.

Why ... ?

Photo : Jessica Gabeler

Mi amor,

There is no need ... no need to try ... to find out how I feel and which winds I restle with. Don't ask me where I disappear or which hopes I hold on to and on which routes I am going to travel. No need to try to find out if I am getting bitter in my own twilights without you or even in which rain I may be getting wet and if I will always accept you deeply inside my most private secrets. There is no need for you to try to find whose fault it was as I am to blame for everything and for our love that never passed by and if our lives were gone up to the last role. Please .. there is no need to try to find if I suffer in my empty environment here. Please know that I am happy even if I think of you being so distant from me. And as for my love, "it worth it" in the balustrade moments of my loneliness as I will be living for your life even if it weren't the Gods' wish for me to go to the other part of the known world to take your kiss. There is no need to tell me about seas and ships, as my heart is like a bird that inside your breast it clams up, and wherever you go, it follows you. There is no need to tell me about trains that always leave and about gypsies that set off as i always can read your eyes, to see where do they run, where do they go round or where they want to hide from.

Mi amor, the day starts and gets lost, the eyes get heavily closed and a foreign bitterness that loves you, it still hurts you as you will be hiding in a song with similar lyrics again. Yes the night won you again and waves to you goodbye. Since all of your nights you hide your nudity in front of a mirror and you want to make your fear to fell asleep, oh god how i know you well.

In these unfair times you must not listen to false words since for sure no one cares about us in this desert land. Remember that maybe friends will be lost soon, so take my heart so that you won't get wet and when you have nowhere to go, just look inside my soul. If you love me, say it to me, since I also have many wounds as few are the joys in the world. So do not feel afraid.

You only change, mi amor, and you keep changing day by day and make others fell afraid of you. So do not worry ... i will keep standing by you ...

Todavia te quiero ...

Alone by carbalhax

Photo : carbalhax

Dia gris desde la mañana. Ni color ni un tu beso. Cafe frio y amargo. Y la cortinas cerradas. Me voy a trabajar otra vez con medio corazon. Pero no tiene la culpa nada mas, que tu no buscas para encontrarme.

Pero si me encuentras. Ese dia sera distinto y en el entorno habra luz. Si estuvieras conmigo me despertaria de otra forma. Tendria otra forma de respirar y otra forma de vivir. Si estarias conmigo me doleria todo de otra forma mas dulce y mas suave viviria de otra forma.

Otra vez se ha echo de noche pronto. Y tu no buscas para encontrarme. Paso por tu calle y donde me deje el conductor. Dia gris desde la mañana, sin color ni un tu beso. Lo mas seguro que sta noche me encierre en mi casa da solo.

No me preguntes qué quiero y no me preguntes por qué, no sé si te traeré el sol o la lluvia. No me preguntes qué quiero y no sé qué decir y aunque te conozco aún, siento que te amo.

No me preguntes qué quiero y qué busco aquí sólo sé una cosa que quiero verte.
No me preguntes por mí, pregúntame por nosotros, quiero lograr ir adonde tú vayas.


Ahora que pronto anochece, como cuento te lo diré porque lo que quieras no se acaba y yo todavía te quiero y o que quieras no se acaba y yo todavía te quiero.

Ahora que pronto atardece como canción o poema te lo diré, lo que acuerdas no se hunde, no me olvides que te quiero porque lo que acuerdas no se hunde y no me olvides que te quiero.

Hay mucho que no lo sabes y quisiera tanto decírtelo, pero no quiero que sufras, porque todavía te quiero.

Η ομορφιά... / The beauty...

Please hate me ...

Photo : Shirtlesscow

I have to block out thoughts of you so I dont lose my head, even if they crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed. Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone and playing movies in my head that make a poor feel like home. There's a burning fire in my pride, a nervous bleeding inside my brain. An ounce of peace is all I want for you - maybe will you never call again this discussion and will never say that you love me just to put it in my face and you never will try to reach me since it is that you wanted space for the following weekend. Im sober now with the same worry for three whole months and looks like one accomplishment that you helped me with to deal of it. The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I promissed you i won't touch again. My egoism.

In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night while I was busy waging wars on myself and with others for protecting you when you were trying to stop the fight. You never doubted of my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate and health risks. You just continued to made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take. So I'll "drive" so ------- far away that I never cross your mind about the M. situation. And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind only with this thought alone in my mind.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave you for have a nice trip. Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made and like a baby boy I never was a man, until I saw your dark eyes cry and I held your face in my hand and then I fell down yelling Make it go away!

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be and then you whispered How can you do this to me?

So ... Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you. Hate me in ways so hard to swallow. Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.

Forgive me ... and have a nice trip as i will wait for you to return ...

After fighting ...

Fight club by Binda23

Photo : Binda23

You are sleeping now...

I passed hours of silence and I lost myself in the black of your eyes that i manage to see now only from your photos. So many hours of silence and I found myself at the edges of your lips that i can not touch for now. If only, dear, just for a little moment, you could endure through time, If only you could light this emptiness of mine. Your absence from my life are to blame, that took me by the hand, some small poems of shivering lovers like myself... Whatever I loved, I owe it to you...

For some time we lost contact, and i was wondering if is it for the distance between us. And i remember of myself that used to tavel kilometers just to spend a night with you, but now we lost contact. We lost contact, and becomes difficult even call each other on the phone. In past we used to speak day and night and i was thinking that you don't bring me in your mind we lost contact.

People for sure change, we changed too and we lost contact and i do not know how i can explain to myself for how can you be away form me? Is not to blaim the night for the cold and I'm waiting for you burning inside like a fire... It is to blaim that I can't stand to want you anymore and to die in this grey desertness and you do not exist anywhere next to me. Is not to blaim the night that it doesn't leave either the tear which is sheding. It is to blaim my heart which tells you I love you and it doesn't stand to be cut in two, for you that you didn't showed up when you said you would.

Your coffee become cold now and the radio is closed for days. I am about to change house, i leave for sure a part of you here that i can not take it with me, exept the memories we shared in it. And my words become the reasons for everything and in this empty city i still wonder by. I still remember you in my sigle bed saying to me goodmorning. But still i did not understand why you did not stoped to remind me of love.

People here do not ask me about you and for sure are few those who wish to see you again. I do not care you know.

Amor ...
I'm afraid, don't leave me alone, I'm afraid, give me some time, I'm afraid, keep me alive...
I'm afraid, the dark my light, I'm afraid, give me your kiss, I'm afraid, god how much I love you...

Να είσαι εκεί / Be there / Que estés ahí

Photo : Paulolopes

Sometimes I wanted to get out to find myself and to live in your mind like a thought. To stay with old friends that i do not see any more and other mates, wishing to have fun but for sure I'll come only in your dream after all these. I wanted you to see for a night that will I leave without leaving you telling me how you feel for me and for how many other things I don't know. And from all my monets of pain i would try to see joy and to leave away from you to hear you say me how also makes you suffer to be apart of me. Just i was wishing sometimes you to let me only for one night to harm myself with fatal mistakes, to feel pain and to start to bleed up tp death, to see alone how much I love you and how much brakes me apart not to have you next to me. I was thinking to ask you to let me only for one night to start regret desperetaly of being away from you and to count my deep wounds and to have nowhere else to go than return once again back to you.

No se como empezar y tu hasta donde puedes llegar y yo guardo el contacto y tu mantienes las distancias. El cenicero esta lleno y la noche tan vacía ma como pasaron los días y como pasaron las noches. Teníamos miedo en la practica. De cada una de nuestras palabras como una nube el amor que se va sin antes de que llueva. Ma que estés ahí, siempre dentro de mi vida y que enciendas sus luces aunque no la vivas conmigo y si me quieres un poco, que estés ahí amor de mi vida, amor fuerte, que estés ahí.

So love me and keep me despite all the mistakes I've done as I'm guilty for what I've done to you, since we said that before, but I love you. Love me, I'll become a road for you to pass over, step on me, I need you, feel me, love me. Love me because I can't live without you as my life is water and it will be spilled on the rocks due to this for no reason. Love me and forget that I get carried away and just lean towards me so we can lie together. As all I ask from you is love since I still think of you and I cannot sleep and I don't talk. All the hours that pass by ask me how much I love you. For sure I met many women, but what to say? You are the light, my light in the shadows. I still think of you and i am sorry you are apart from me and I get depressed. God, if only on my empty pillow I could dream of you. Yes, I met many women, but you are the only one and I will love you for as long I shall live if you can be there too with me...

Thoughts and feelings ...

Thinking of You I by ridethespiralxyz

Photo : Ridethespiralxyz

All my letters, all of these poems come from the deepest depths of me, words I've spoken, the way I feel, things nobody else sees. All of these feelings, all of these poems come from a heart that longs for you, quietly seeking, silently searching wanting to know what to do. All of this time feels like forever and I've been tossing and turning at night, missing your smile, your kind gentle heart and hoping that you are alright. All I know and all I wish for, and I haven't asked for alot, is some input from you, to figure this out or is silence all we've got?

People maybe read my scraps and get lost inside my feelings. And for all those that now reading really ... i wonder ...

I am wondering if you have you ever been in love with somebody you could not be with. That you couldn't hold, kiss, love forever, that you couldn't spend your entire day with. Really have you ever wanted somebody so bad it hurted to see them apart? You wish they would always be with you and walk beside you day by day.
Did you ever planned a special night with someone... you weren't able to be with. Only because you were afraid to ask the one you truly wanted to be with?
And have you ever had what you want sit right in your face and never able to touch it? Be able to take it as your own and say this is what I want to be with?
Have you ever had love for somebody who you couldn't be with? If you have, you know what I mean when I say that is the most painful love you can get and in my case ... missing her too much ...

As about you ...
Well I managed to understand that you feel so incomplete... Not knowing what to do and I don'’t know what to say, or even be, I feel I am nothing without you.
I still think you have something so special, and it'’s true you really do, but when those feelings start to fade, you feel lost, with no one there to reassure you. I hate myself for this too. You can try only your hardest, for so long, to do the best you can do, but I see you so scared and confused and unhappy right now as me too, remember that I will lose everything when I will lose you.
Yes you are trying to be strong and is so hard to do, you don'’t know how much longer you can try since in your head there are so many questions, of where did it went wrong and for why...
For sure nothing happens without a reason, I just wish for both of us that it wasn’'t so hard with all this pain, so many dreams that were shattered today, how do you try to maintain alone? Will things ever be the same again? For sure I'’m not sure and I have no clue, and i do not know how you are supposed to deal with yourself?
I’m terrified and don’t know what else to do. I hate feeling this way, so full of pain and sorrow, but how can I deal with today, when it won’t get any easier tomorrow? I know I could make it by myself, but my mind starts to wonder and roam as I don'’t know loving you any other way, and now I’'m completely alone without you.

Mi amor ... I cannot sleep with you in my head since you are too beautiful to me. I will think of you instead. Think of you like I always do, the one I love, yes, it's so true. Love is blind people say. And if your beauty is me being blind then blind I want forever to stay. For you are my heart and the only one I will mark. My wish is simple and please make it come true. All I want is a future, a happy one, too. The only way that will be is if I am with you. That was my wish to be with you; now tell me, will it come true?